Healing

I've been dealing with a very annoying amount of pain ever since the accident, and the doctor can't keep giving me narcotics because they are highly addictive, but I can handle the pain.. If it doesn't kill me, it makes me stronger... So anyway, I started Physical Therapy today. Let me tell you.... Electro-stimulation, or whatever they call it, is GREAT. I love it. I get to lay on a bed for 20 min and control the amount of electricity my muscles receive. I find it very relaxing, and it is great for relieving some of the pain. I mean I'm still very sore when I get up from a stationary position, but that is understandable. I'm assuming that my back should be better sometime within the next few weeks... Which means, time for me to start looking for a new bike. I probably should take care of getting the SV paid off first.

Now on to the world of my emotional life. Well things have been pretty much at a stand still. I'm still hella confused about a lot of things. I can't figure out what I want, and I find myself getting my feelings hurt about stupid stuff. I have been trying to express my feelings and communicate what's going on in my mind, but sometimes I feel real stupid doing that, but I guess it helps. I'm caught in the middle of something right now... It's me trying to decide where I need to be relationship wise. I feel this emptiness inside and for some reason I keep thinking that it can only be filled by somebody. When I'm by myself it kills me, and when I'm with somebody I feel good, even if it is just hanging out watching movies, listening to music, playing video games, or doing whatever. Then would come my challenging situation.. Say I do decide it's time for me to be in a relationship... How do I choose the right one? I've made so many mistakes in the past and been treated horribly by just about every guy. How do I ensure that I don't allow that to happen to me again? In my mind my ideal person would be someone that has a lot of things in common with me... Someone that I feel I can do anything with.. If I want to go to a Reggae Concert... I want them to want to go with me and know that they are going to have a good time.... If I want to get on my bike and go ride.. I want them to be able to get on a bike and ride with me.... But in the same time I want to be able to have that time when I can just hang out with my friends and be secure knowing that I'm either going to go home to their house, or their at my house at the end of the night, or know that they will be waiting for a phone call from me to make sure that I made it home safely, and the same situation for them. I want for there to be a trust that is never compromised. I guess that everyone strives for the same situation.. But very rarely will the ever find it. Maybe one day the guy of my dreams will just walk into my life and ease my mind of lonely times.

And for one last thing...My frustration...I really need to stop being so dang shy.. And act upon my thoughts... Man would my life be a lot more exciting......grrrrrrrrrrr

tell next time bloggers
have a Blessed Day.