A week of Depression

Well a week ago today I was laying in a hospital bed because of a motorcycle accident. I was pulling out of a 7-11 and somebody in a white van hit me. The situation is as follows: I was preparing to make my exit onto the road, I check both ways and all seems clear. Next thing you know I feel and hear contact with another vehicle. At this point I'm not too sure what happened. I believe I was flown through the air. The next thing I remember is getting up and walking, then getting this overwhelming feeling of darkness, so I make my way to the grass and lay down. Next thing I know I wake up to somebody on a radio and at this point I'm in the worst pain I have ever felt in my life and the only thing I want is for my helmet to be off, because I felt as though I'm suffocating. The gentleman assisting me was telling me not to take it off and wait for the ambulance to arrive. Me being the stubborn person that I am decided to take it off on my own. Then the ambulance arrives and they ask me what happened..... Like I have a clue what happened.. But anyway.. I tell them my story to the best I know. I feel as though I can not move but I'm so grateful that I'm alive. Right as they are getting ready to put me in the ambulance I get a text message from my friend that I'm supposed to take to the airport at 3AM.. I reply to his text and tell him that I'm not going to be able to take him because I'm on my way to the hospital from a motorcycle accident. He replies and tries to find out what is going on, but the medic takes my phone from me. At this point I'm strapped to a back board with a neck collar on.. Man is that uncomfortable. The ambulance driver is trying to find a hospital that will take me and I ask the medic if there is any way he can give me some pain medicine. So they feed me some morphine through my IV to help with the pain. Then I arrive at a hospital. I don't know what hospital, but I know I'm in the care of doctors and nurses at this point. The doctor orders a CT scan, spine x-rays, and blood to be drawn. Over the course of a unknown hours these things happen and more pain meds are pushed through my iv. OOh yeah and sometime during all of this the cop came to issue me a summons to appear in traffic court because the accident was my fault. So I'm laying on a bed in the hall way of a hospital feeling like a worthless piece of nothing.. Nobody to talk to.. Nobody there to comfort me.. Life sucks at this point.. and I'm still in the most pain I've ever been in my whole life.
Sometime in the AM the doctor says he is going to admit me overnight so that they can watch my pain and make sure I'm going to be ok to go home. So.. As soon as I get in my room I text message damn near everybody in my phone to let them know that I'm in the hospital from a motorcycle accident, then I follow up the text message with a phone call to the important people. Minus the parents because I didn't want them to get worried. As the day goes on The first person to visit me is a co-worker, then Brian shows up. He is there for a few min then heads off to find me a phone charger. Then some friends from the BBQ the night before stop by and the co-worker leaves, then Brian comes back with a phone charger. He doesn't stay too long because he has to get going. Work or something. Then Marcus Allen stops by with some goodies, and Dee stops by. If anybody else stopped by I can't remember right now. I was pretty drugged up on percocet every 4 hours all week. I got lots of reply text messages from my friends and people seem concerned about my well being.
Monday rolls around and the doctors tell me I can go home. So some people from work pick me up and take me to my pharmacy to fill my prescription for percocet. I then make an appointment to see my doctor for the next day. After all of that I go home.
A few people call.. and for the first 2 days some people stop over. 4 to be exact. This makes me think... How much are my friends really my friends? I mean if one of my friends was in an accident I'm sure I would be there to help them out.. Call me crazy.. But I dunno.. Wednesday till today I really didn't get too many phone calls or any visitors besides my parents. Why is this? Do I really not have any friends? So My parents come for the weekend and leave early Sunday morning. So after they leave I go back to sleep... Only to wake up to an interesting dream. This dream involved Brian.. So I decide to text message him. So I tell him about the dream and he proceeds to tell me how much that pisses him off, along with him saying how much the whole situation pisses him off. So in the mix of everything he sends me this email. Some how he has somebody intercept my emails that I send to people via myspace. Now tell me how FUKKED up that is.. That the craziest stalker type shyt I've ever seen. Why would somebody want to do that? But anyway. So that added to my list of things that put me in a state of depression.
So lets list them..
got in an accident
my bike is probably totaled (haven't seen it yet)
I'm ok.. But still in a lot of pain
I have only a few real friends
guys can be crazy
I have to go to court for my traffic violation
my insurance is going to go up
if my bike isn't totaled I have to find a place to fix it
I can't ride
I can't drive my car right now
I'm out of pain meds
my bike is accumulating storage fees which I might have to pay
I've been home alone most of the week drowning in my own sorrow
nobody seems to care
the people I care about don't seem to care about me
ok... I could go on and on.. But I guess it's not worth it..
tomorrow is another day.. and tomorrow will keep coming till it is eventually better..

on that note.. Some quotes to leave with
"One ceases to recognize the significance of mountain peaks if they are not viewed occasionally from the deepest valleys."

Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.


till next time bloggers

Have a blessed day.