A Day in the Life of Me

The random thoughts of me....

Monday, June 05, 2006

Girl Down

The Sizzla concert was just crazy last night. I had such a great time. I always enjoy reggae performances. I didn't get to the club till around 1:30 AM.... and I had to wait like 30 min to get a drink.. Which was good timing because the performances started right when I was getting my drinks. I had to order 2 drinks at once because I didn't want to wait in that long line. My friends Togai, and Shaka were there. I didn't see them that much during the night, but that's just me in the club. Everybody in the club was having a great time. The thing I love about Reggae concerts is the vibe. Nobody is out to fight with anybody or cause trouble. People are just there to chill and enjoy the music. It makes for such a great night. I got home from the club and the sun was coming up.. and I knew I had to get up for a ride at 9.

Off to sleep I go so I can be well rested for my day of riding. Something about me on my motorcycle. It takes the stress away, and clears my mind. I love it. I don't know what I'm going to do in the winter when I can't ride.

9AM comes bright and early. I take a shower, get dressed and put on all of my protective gear (helmet, jacket, boots, and gloves) and begin my journey out Ashburn to meet my crew for today's ride. I had no clue where I was going..... Therefore I got lost. Go figure. I get lost all of the time. I showed up at the spot 10 min late.. Not too bad... They are still getting the groups set up. Soon after I get there we start riding.

This ride was a noob ride.. So I wasn't expecting it to be fast.... But I wasn't expecting it to be so freaking slow either. We were crawling.. We got to Mitchell around 1. A few of us expressed our request to pick up the pace a little. So the lead guy pickes it up a little. I was enjoying the pace.. I got to lean into some turns... and focus all of my attention to riding and nothing else. I love it.. I like not worrying about anything else. Next thing you know I look in my rear view mirror after a set of s-curves and notice that the people behind me were no longer there. I signal to the guys ahead to slow down and wait. The only thing I could think was.... ooh my god that bus hit somebody..... So we turned around and went to look for them... well the bus didn't hit anybody but it did scare someone and cause her not to take the turn properly. She rode right off the rode and almost hit a brick wall. Thank god that didn't happen. She got up and walked away but her poor little 2005 SV650S was not as fortunate. We moved her bike to a safe place and put her on someone's bike and started to head back.

We get to our branch off point and all say farewell and I head off on 66. Since it was a beautiful day I decide that I'm going to fly home so that maybe I can meet up with some other riders and get some more ride time in for the day. Then I remember that I told ol' boy that he could drop my things off today. ooh how was dreading this.

So I decide to stay around the house and clean up a little. Much needed by the way. I get a little cleaning done.. He texts me and says I'm on the way. So I slowly begin to prepare myself. I was hoping for at least a little communication. Well he comes and gives me my things and then says bye.. That's it.. No communication at all. I kind of look at this as being cowardly... Beause I know that it's hard to tell someone that you care about that you can't care about them anymore.. It's a fucked up thing to have to tell yourself. So I proceed to be a big freaking baby and ball my eyes out for a good 30 min to an hour.. What's wrong with me.. I don't cry.. Seriously... For some reason this guy got me all twisted. So I decide to text him and express my feelings and we share text messages and things get worse for me.

So I decide to start calling old friends that I haven't talked to in months to get some comfort from them. Well I talk to a few people and they kind of make me feel a little better. But I'm still eating up inside. I can't figure out why we could never sit down and have a real conversation about this... Everything has to be via text message or email. It's the easy way out.. I think it's the cowardly way out. I believe in facing my fears.. But for some reason this just can't happen. I could have had him drop the stuff off when I was not home.. But I had to face my fear of seeing him again. I was wishing that it would give me some type of closure.. But it really didn't beause there was no communication at all.

I just keep hearing...I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to do this to you..

well you know what... I'm sorry too.. I didn't mean to throw myself into hell and now I'm having a hard time getting out. The devil got me.. But I'm not going to let it get the best of me.. I will eventually get over this.. I just don't know when. Maybe once all of the tears dry up. I haven't cried in years... So maybe they just need to get out..

It's not good to hold things in.. Because then I would end up with problems like my ex-huband had.... and lord knows I don't want them.

Why is it that when you think you found the best thing for you.. It ends up just hurting you? I thought I found a guy that cared about me.. He treated me better then any man ever treated me.. I didn't have to worry about being told what I could and could not wear... I didn't have to worry about coming home and getting beat up for no reason at all... I thought I had someone that can take care of himself and didn't need me to do everything for him. It was too out of the norm for me.. I guess I'm destined to be with someone that needs me to do everything for them and mistreats me.

I wasn't even looking for a relationship in the first place.. eehhhhhh it makes me so mad.. I was forced to want to be in a relationship type situation only to ruin a great friendship. Life is not fair..

Well I guess I'm going to go pray because God will guide me through any situation.... How do you think I spent 10 months in Iraq and maintained my sanity..... ?

Till next time

Have a blessed evening......


Post a Comment

<< Home

Locations of visitors to this page